love is hard...a valentine recap

i love valentine's day. i love how it transforms the thought of february into all things sweet and happy. 

i love how easy  it is to make things festive and fun.

things as simple as a garland of paper hearts

and these plastic heart plates from walmart.

little boys who insist on wearing bow ties with their heart throb tshirt also help. 

oh and pink milk and sprinkles on cinnamon rolls help too.

but i tell ya what...the decorations and the sugar are the easy part...
the daily loving of little sinners and being lovable myself is where it gets dicey. big time.

even sugar cookies can't help make that easier...   (that little chubby hand in the corner helps a tad.)

last year i bought these little mailboxes from target and committed to writing some kind of love note to each of the kids everyday from february 1st to the 14th. and this is hard. 

because at the end of the day when i'm trying to write specific, thoughtful, loving notes its hard not to dwell on all of their shortcomings, disobedience, selfishness, and ugly hearts.

it's much easier to remember the whining and grabbing and yelling and pouting...

on valentine's day we had a pretty darn rough morning...we were supposed to go to my mom's house for a little party at lunchtime but as we were trying to leave the house i {shamefully} kinda lost it on them. i don't remember much of my lecture except these words, "guys, it is HARD for mommy to love you sometimes!" i remember getting some surprised looks from my little darlings as it was obvious this was a concept their brains had never considered before. i felt pretty righteous in my rant. reminding them of all the work and sweet things i had done to make this month and day special and i how i could use just a little help, a little effort to love each other enough to get us out the door without more drama ...blah, blah, blah.

it wasn't until we were around the table at my mom's house and my mom mentioned how much she loved valentines day that Will piped in, "i love valentines day too. especially when mom yells at us." It was then that i saw the mirror go up.
while what i had yelled said was true, it wasn't said in love, it wasn't said in humility or grace or patience. i was telling them what i needed to make my life at that moment easier.
i wanted something in return for the sweet mama that i had been. :S

thankfully Will forgave me and i was grateful for the opportunity to show him my need for the gospel but sheesh, its hard and humbling.

today i read this short post from emily anderson and there were several little nuggets of mothering truth that were good to be reminded of, but these two below really stuck out to me. i pray God will change my heart and fill me so full with his love that it bubbles over to the children he gave me to raise for His glory and my good.

your heart is what your children will draw from.  and what you're like in your home is a mirror into your heart

for our kids to believe in god's love, they have to be loved well by us.