love is hard...a valentine recap

i love valentine's day. i love how it transforms the thought of february into all things sweet and happy. 

i love how easy  it is to make things festive and fun.

things as simple as a garland of paper hearts

and these plastic heart plates from walmart.

little boys who insist on wearing bow ties with their heart throb tshirt also help. 

oh and pink milk and sprinkles on cinnamon rolls help too.

but i tell ya what...the decorations and the sugar are the easy part...
the daily loving of little sinners and being lovable myself is where it gets dicey. big time.

even sugar cookies can't help make that easier...   (that little chubby hand in the corner helps a tad.)

last year i bought these little mailboxes from target and committed to writing some kind of love note to each of the kids everyday from february 1st to the 14th. and this is hard. 

because at the end of the day when i'm trying to write specific, thoughtful, loving notes its hard not to dwell on all of their shortcomings, disobedience, selfishness, and ugly hearts.

it's much easier to remember the whining and grabbing and yelling and pouting...

on valentine's day we had a pretty darn rough morning...we were supposed to go to my mom's house for a little party at lunchtime but as we were trying to leave the house i {shamefully} kinda lost it on them. i don't remember much of my lecture except these words, "guys, it is HARD for mommy to love you sometimes!" i remember getting some surprised looks from my little darlings as it was obvious this was a concept their brains had never considered before. i felt pretty righteous in my rant. reminding them of all the work and sweet things i had done to make this month and day special and i how i could use just a little help, a little effort to love each other enough to get us out the door without more drama ...blah, blah, blah.

it wasn't until we were around the table at my mom's house and my mom mentioned how much she loved valentines day that Will piped in, "i love valentines day too. especially when mom yells at us." It was then that i saw the mirror go up.
while what i had yelled said was true, it wasn't said in love, it wasn't said in humility or grace or patience. i was telling them what i needed to make my life at that moment easier.
i wanted something in return for the sweet mama that i had been. :S

thankfully Will forgave me and i was grateful for the opportunity to show him my need for the gospel but sheesh, its hard and humbling.

today i read this short post from emily anderson and there were several little nuggets of mothering truth that were good to be reminded of, but these two below really stuck out to me. i pray God will change my heart and fill me so full with his love that it bubbles over to the children he gave me to raise for His glory and my good.

your heart is what your children will draw from.  and what you're like in your home is a mirror into your heart

for our kids to believe in god's love, they have to be loved well by us.



baby ben is 2

so baby ben turned 2 this weekend. i really can't bear to think he's a big boy yet, so he'll keep his title until further notice. at least in my book.

a few things about our benny boy:

- he is still a little guy of very few words. his repertoire includes:  MOM/ mommy, dada, wow, owie, bayoon(balloon), hi, bye-bye, yeehaw, pease (please), no, do (dog), and peepee and poopoo {ya know, only the important stuff}
along with a myriad of sounds: lots of "uh!", beeps, various animal noises, and tons of giggles

- the above does not in any way hinder him from communicating exactly what he wants around here.
he's deservedly been dubbed bossy ben- using lots of grunts, pulls, and pushes to get people moving. plus all he really has to do is look at anyone with one of his cute, dimpled little facial expressions and he's good to go.

- his favorite book is "goodnight moon". we have to keep it on a special shelf in his room, read it before   nap and bedtime every day and then afterwards say good night and pat about 10 different objects in his room. this tradition must not be broken. the repercussions are intense.

- balloons are his dearest objects of affection, second only to his beloved blankie.

- balloons also bring out the very worst in him...i'm thinking idol maybe? ;)

- he loves to watch and mirror his brother and sisters like crazy

- his favorite foods are bananas and chocolate, in any form

- he loves to climb...tables, counters, dressers, cribs...which means he has also had his fair share of falls already.

- a few of his nicknames include: benny boy, benster, benny boo and chubby bubby (used almost exclusively as a nighttime salutation by madeline and sophie)

- he loves, loves, loves to color on himself with a marker. mostly just on his hands, but sometimes it reaches his mouth.

-he loves to be tickled, especially by daddy who can almost always get a real good belly laugh out of him

- he also loves to carry around water balloons filled w/ just a little water and he HAS to have a smiley face drawn on them. (handyandy would very much like this routine to phase out...something about the hazards of carrying around a balloon filled with water inside the house??...)

- he loves following his brother and sisters everywhere...especially into the lego room, into their forts, on their bikes, and in their rooms. and always while sporting an impish grin that gives away the fact that he is fully aware that he is driving them a tad CRAZY.

-he loves to swipe dollies, nail polish,lego guys, other people's snacks, silly bands and everyone else's' markers and hide them in his back pack.

- he doesn't sleep the best. we still have a crib tent over his crib to keep him in bed and are most definitely delaying the inevitable training that needs to occur once we take the tent off...

- he just started being interested in watching cartoons with the other kids. yay for a 20 min. of containment!

- he loves that his daddy flies airplanes. every time this is mentioned he giggles and points with an "eh!" to the sky.

- he still loves mommy...(maybe the best)
he'll still snuggle with me after he wakes up and will give me air kisses if i ask {especially if he's trying to get something} and he doesn't mind {too much} when i snatch him up multiple times a day to squish and cover him with kisses.

happy birthday {big} baby ben!

overwhelmed maybe...a little vent

sometimes everyday life can feel a bit overwhelming...every so often the reality of the responsibility of it all hits me, takes my breath away for a second and i get a little panicky.  

 i mean yikes! four kids! four individual souls that have needs, issues and personalities...and i'm responsible.

 holy moly! how did we get here??

plus there's a house to keep clean,

a marriage to invest in,

meals to cook

school to teach, 

laundry to tame,

friendships and family to nurture

not to mention my own heart to keep in check...ahhhh!

goodness gracious. i know its not really a lot, it just feels that way now and then...

and i know life really is sweet. in sooo many ways. and i know its up to me to see jesus in the midst of the crazy, and to believe that he is there to offer grace and JOY in the moment. i just have to do it.

so, thank you instagram for making it so easy to capture the sweet moments sprinkled throughout the overwhelming and chaotic that would be lost otherwise. 

and thank you jesus for giving me this life and these little munchkins to raise. i am grateful.

vent over. thank you for listening.

Easter happenings

I rarely think about preparing for a holiday in advance...they always hit me like a big surprise: "what?! it's the 30th of November and I haven't started an advent calendar?? What?! It's already February? I just barely took down Christmas! What?! Thanksgiving is in 2 weeks and i have a month-long unit study on the pilgrims!" I seriously need to get organized...speaking of which, i felt a huge boost of inspiration today from Alicia. Do you know her?? You should. I've never met her but she makes you feel like you might as well be besties. 

All that to say, Easter, came as a surprise again this year.

 Somehow all but 4 of our "stand-by" Resurrection eggs were missing and i kept seeing great alternatives, like this Resurrection Garden above, get passed around during the month of March and kept thinking, "yes. that would be good. my kids would like those. i should really do these readings, or those fun crafts"

And then wham! it's 2 days before palm sunday and i finally pull up the instructions for the garden and read that the wheat berries should be planted at least by palm sunday. So, i load up my 4 kids, (1 still in their pjs) and head to walmart to find some dirt. The rest was so easy and the kids have loved watering it each day. Today, we read the crucifixion story, made a stick cross, put a playmobile jesus inside the tomb and covered it with a large rock. Anyway, i guess i'm learning that its better to do something than to just quit if i can't get it together to do everything.

This is a picture of the huge, white and terrifying angel getting a little antsy to open the tomb.

******

I overhead a argument conversation between Will and Sophie a couple of days ago. it went like this:
Will: No, Sophie. Sophie! Jesus did not have a sword!
Sophie: YESSSS! He really wants a sword
Will: No, you need to learn this.
Sophie: AHHHHH!! Will! Jesus WANTS a sword!!
Will: No...i don't trust you.....
Sophie: WILLLLLL!
Will: fine. here's a sword.
~ quietness ~
Sophie: ching! ching! aHa! Arrr!

******

Today in the car,  Will out of the blue asked me "So...what exactly do easter eggs have to do with Easter? like, what do they mean??" 
The first answer i thought of was, "they mean that we will get chocolate."
But don't worry, thoughtful questions like this don't happen all the time so i tried to do my best to take advantage of it. ;)

Well...i guess that's all for now. I wish i knew how to upload an imovie onto the blog because Will got it into his head to recreate the Easter story with Playmobile and we all had a fun time acting it out...maybe i'll get my techy Handy Andy to work on that as soon as he gets home from this trip.

Hope you all are having a wonderful Easter week. If you need some oh so lovely table setting or dessert inspiration go see my sis here. :)

sophie had a dream

my sophie had a dream the other day. as in an "i have a dream" kind of dream. and that was to be "Will". now... everyday she tries and tries and tries to "be like Will" (her big brother) but sadly, she usually ends up frustrated and disappointed. however, earlier this week her dream got a little more tangible.

 she discovered this book about a little boy named "Will", of course. And he was amazing, of course. then we got to the page above of "Will" flying  over tall buildings. she immediately put the book down and got right to work. her dream was in sight.

she made an awesome replication of the "tall buildings" then searched the house for a comparable pick-up truck and blue car.

and then she realized "will" had a cape in the picture... she nearly despaired...thankfully she had a quick "Aha!" moment when she remembered her superhero doggie costume from halloween. 

major disappointment averted... all ready!

oops... a couple of false starts...

flying over tall buildings takes a lot of mental focus for even a superhero

then daddy just happened to come home from a trip just in time to give a much-needed pep talk and some readjustment.

And with renewed confidence...the superhero was off!

 those tall buildings were nothing for this girl.

pluck n: 1. The trait of showing spirited courage and determination
sophie, my dear, you certainly have pluck and i'm so proud of your spirited personality and for not giving up on your dreams...but now do please try to let go of the dream of turning 6 years old instead of 4 next week. you're growing up fast enough as it is. love from your mommy.

we had a happy heart day

Hope very much that you had a lovely day yesterday!

we started out the morning with little gifts and notes in our mailboxes

(just notice this cheeseball expression of will's and compare it to madeline's further down. related, ya think??)

special pocket watercolor set and notebook for our nature walks this spring...

we had a super fun party with a few of Will's "big kid" friends.  as i was thinking about the party, at first i thought that since he is a big 6 year old now and in kindergarten and all that maybe i should ditch the cutesy and go more "cool"... but then i came to my senses and realized that Will LOVES a good party. he's totally into the details and still appreciates "cute" things. in fact he is the one i can almost always count on to compliment me on my "cute" crafty endeavors. bless his heart, he'll make his wife so happy one day. ;)

he loved cutting out paper hearts and taping them all over the house. he thought the heart sandwiches were awesome and he was totally jazzed about donning valentine's day appropriate attire...he only wished he had red pants to match his red shirt. 

so, even though he LOVED having his "big kid" friends here, i am trying to absolutely soak up the fact that he's still just a little boy who loves hugs and kisses, "little talks", and stickers and cute valentine's decorations and stuffed bears that "sing" annoying songs and heart sandwiches and planning parties with his mommy while sitting on her lap. 

ok, now onto the rest....here's my madeline. the little spacey, bunny-loving, adorable princess girl that she is. this is her smile of choice recently. she looks like a complete cheeseball but she's actually for real. she could pose like this all day. in fact, whenever you catch her glance and give her a smile she'll stop what she's doing and give you one of these- head cocked and all. it's really quite endearing. which is good, because she's also an ornery little one who has been banned from ALL scissor use until further notice.

here's my lovely mom who came to the party to act as crowd control...and to make Sophie's day. When she is with Nana she is a happy girl. She's also happy when she's telling other people what to do or being     "big". i made the mistake during the party to mention to one of the moms that i had intended for the "little kids" to sit at the table in the school room and the "big" kids could sit on the floor in the living room. Sophie, who was in the living room, overheard me from across the house and yelled, " I AM BIG! mommy! mommy!! I am BIG!"  thata way to stand up for yourself girlie!  I later overheard her asking Madeline if she needed help putting her pez candy into the dispenser. Madeline of course consented and a few minutes later, while Sophie was taking over the whole job Sophie commented, " i love helping little kids".  and i love this extra special, one-of-a-kind little girl.

And THIS one... goodness, he's giving his mommy a run for her money. We laughed all day at our cranky little valentine as he wore his new shirt from Grandma... written on the front is "What's not to love??"  Seriously. a kicking, whining, candy-stealing, screaming ball of fun....what's NOT to love about that?! ;)

honestly nothing. his little chubby cuteness is irresistible in whatever form it happens to take.

Well, that's all for this year...although i think we'll keep celebrating for the rest of the month...it's just too happy of a holiday to be done with. So, keep that sugar coming!