Wednesday, February 20, 2013

love is hard...a valentine recap

i love valentine's day. i love how it transforms the thought of february into all things sweet and happy. 
i love how easy  it is to make things festive and fun.
things as simple as a garland of paper hearts
and these plastic heart plates from walmart.
little boys who insist on wearing bow ties with their heart throb tshirt also help. 
oh and pink milk and sprinkles on cinnamon rolls help too.
but i tell ya what...the decorations and the sugar are the easy part...
the daily loving of little sinners and being lovable myself is where it gets dicey. big time.
even sugar cookies can't help make that easier...   (that little chubby hand in the corner helps a tad.)

last year i bought these little mailboxes from target and committed to writing some kind of love note to each of the kids everyday from february 1st to the 14th. and this is hard. 
because at the end of the day when i'm trying to write specific, thoughtful, loving notes its hard not to dwell on all of their shortcomings, disobedience, selfishness, and ugly hearts.
it's much easier to remember the whining and grabbing and yelling and pouting...
on valentine's day we had a pretty darn rough morning...we were supposed to go to my mom's house for a little party at lunchtime but as we were trying to leave the house i {shamefully} kinda lost it on them. i don't remember much of my lecture except these words, "guys, it is HARD for mommy to love you sometimes!" i remember getting some surprised looks from my little darlings as it was obvious this was a concept their brains had never considered before. i felt pretty righteous in my rant. reminding them of all the work and sweet things i had done to make this month and day special and i how i could use just a little help, a little effort to love each other enough to get us out the door without more drama ...blah, blah, blah.

it wasn't until we were around the table at my mom's house and my mom mentioned how much she loved valentines day that Will piped in, "i love valentines day too. especially when mom yells at us." It was then that i saw the mirror go up.
while what i had yelled said was true, it wasn't said in love, it wasn't said in humility or grace or patience. i was telling them what i needed to make my life at that moment easier.
i wanted something in return for the sweet mama that i had been. :S


thankfully Will forgave me and i was grateful for the opportunity to show him my need for the gospel but sheesh, its hard and humbling.
today i read this short post from emily anderson and there were several little nuggets of mothering truth that were good to be reminded of, but these two below really stuck out to me. i pray God will change my heart and fill me so full with his love that it bubbles over to the children he gave me to raise for His glory and my good.


your heart is what your children will draw from.  and what you're like in your home is a mirror into your heart

for our kids to believe in god's love, they have to be loved well by us.



11 comments:

Jennifer Lavin said...

Thank you for sharing your heart and what God is teaching you! <3 it is an example to me, Meagan... grateful to know you! {hugs}

Jennifer Lavin said...

Thank you for sharing your heart and what God is teaching you! <3 it is an example to me, Meagan... grateful to know you! {hugs}

Jaimee said...

I love your post, dear Meagan. So often we get caught up in the perfect idea of life, and pinterest and facebook don't help. :-) But I love your real-ness. Thank you for being open and sharing your heart. I read this the other day... I have to come to Christ empty and broken before He can fill me.
I'm so grateful the gospel is about grace! love you!!

Jaimee said...

p.s. and you *are* an awesome mom and I certainly admire your mothering skills!!! <3

Rachel @the house redeemed said...

Oh, this was such a blessing. I'm in the same boat with mothering, and frustration. I almost daily repent to my children because like them I'm a sinner and I need Jesus and so do they, I hate that they see my imperfections and my sin. Thank you for sharing this. It's hard to be so open sometimes especially about how difficult motherhood is.

bandofbrothers said...

you guys went all out with the festivities! awesome!

Jenny Hollingsworth said...

I love your openness and honesty. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever considered creating an ebook or guest authoring
on other blogs? I have a blog centered on the same ideas you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information.
I know my viewers would value your work. If you are even
remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e-mail.



Also visit my blog post aaa fx

Ashley said...

Megs...such a powerful post! As Moms, we can all relate and I have been there too many times where I haven't loved the girls well. Thanks for sharing your heart! You are an amazing Momma! Love you!

Gaspord Adventures said...

Well said! Thanks for your honesty and realness - I can relate to what you said and it is convicting. You are a wonderful mom, Meagan! Love you!

Katie said...

Hello there! It has been a long while since I've visited your blog. I kind of fell off the blog hemisphere anyway. Things just got too crazy and busy and I don't have a nanny or cook...you know how that is :).

Just wanted to say that every time I pop in over here your posts are so refreshing and honest. One thing I get sick of in blogland is the lack of authentic life perspective. Everything seems put together, perfectly styled, just that right touch of vintage to the modern. It gets redundant and old. Lovely to look at but empty over time. Your posts are so relatable to me, it brings me joy to read them. So thank you very much for sharing. Plus I love the fact that you have four kids and live in my neighboring city :).

P.S. your kids are getting so big! And love the pirate/ballerina party. That is a riot, so fun! I love watching the differences in my kids and watching them express themselves, so neat.

Have a lovely day! Or few months :).